It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
