i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
