I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
