I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
