Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
