I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
