no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
