We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
