I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
