I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
