break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
