You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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