So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
