Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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