Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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