I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
