and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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