how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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