we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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