you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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