apparently the secret to your success is patron
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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