"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
soo... how was my night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
