You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
