Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
