Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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