I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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