bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
