my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
