my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
