Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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