Do vagina's smell?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
