in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
