Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
