lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
