Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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