nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
