i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
