u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
