I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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