I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
