dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
