sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
