I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
