like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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