I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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