My nipple is on Facebook.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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