Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
