I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
