so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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