C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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