So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
