what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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