That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
